It’s been a while.
I’ve been sort of distant from everything, everyone.
Last month was hard, it was chaotic, it was the perfect storm. I thought my dad was going to die. I had a more than hard reunion with my brother. I was caught up in family drama. I got behind in school. And I switched meds yet again.
But I’ve been home for a while now. My dad is stable, and even went home today. I should be caught up in school by now, but focusing is hard. I feel like I should be settled by now. Like I shouldn’t still feel like everything is chaotic and stressful.
But in all honesty things are so much worse now. When everything was happening I was forced to live in the moment. And as much crazy and sadness I was around, I also had my support system. Now I just feel lost.
My depression and anxiety are at an all time high. I have a really hard time getting to class, and when I do it takes a lot not to have a panic attack. I did have one on Monday and started balling when my teacher asked if I was ok.
Anxiety sucks. Depression sucks. And neither one of them give a fuck about your schedule or your goals.